speechless (but not)

I'll keep this short and simple because I should be hitting the books, among many other things, but I just thought I'd take a moment to express what's been on going on in my life lately lest I forget the blessings He's bestowed upon me. So really, this post is more for me than for anyone else.

I had a strong urge to share during my weekly fellowship tonight, but I knew there was absolutely no way I could get through it without tearing up, so I guess crying behind a screen is better because at least my words won't slur together and I won't be blubbing. Before you roll your eyes on how girls get so incredibly emotional, just hear me out. I assure you these tears are not from sadness. It comes from a deep, overwhelming sense of joy and satisfaction, something I haven't experienced in quite a long time. My heart is so full from the warm gestures and encouragement I've received over the past week in the form of unexpected letters, cards, texts, emails and an abundance of undeserved gifts. I am speechless. Simply speechless.

I'll be honest and say I haven't been spending as much time with God as I should have. School has largely taken over my life and it's been a constant struggle to carve out adequate and meaningful time to spend with Him. My issues seems to be that I only run to God when I'm extremely stressed. Basically, I use Him when I have problems; otherwise I find that I often stick Him in the backseat. But because I've been stressing so much lately, I begged God for a support group, for people who would willingly intercede for me, especially in my moments of weakness. Little did I know what He had in store...

On Tuesday, I skyped with one of my closest friends that I hadn't talked to in awhile due to our conflicting schedules. We swapped many stories, (much that revolved around the multiple awkward encounters I've had since the start of school,) trying to catch up and fill in everything that had happened over the past three months since we'd last talked. At the very end, she asked how she could pray for me, not knowing how much it meant. What she didn't know was I had been wrestling with self-doubt throughout the past week. The pity parties were one step away from blowing into full swing and I was drowning. In my pride, I hadn't bothered to ask anyone to pray for me, but the moment she asked, I threw it all aside and was humbled by her initiation.

Wednesday night upon arriving home, my mother mentioned that I had received two letters in the mail, one from a sweet little girl I had taught in Malaysia an year ago and another postmarked from Colorado. The latter caught my attention as I only knew one dear family friend that lived there. But why would she be writing to me? I opened the envelope and pulled out a beautiful, handmade card. Tucked neatly inside lay a gift card to Starbucks.

"For you to get something warm on your long commutes home", the note read. It went on to say how she was praying for me as I adjusted to school.

Later in the evening, I received an unexpected message from another dear church friend, telling me that'd I'd been on her mind lately and asking me how I was doing in school and inquiring as to what prayer requests I had. I remarked on the impeccable timing of her message and she replied back and told me that God had put it on her mind.

That's just three examples from the past week. The list goes on. There are so many more incidents with God written in capital letters all over that I can't even explain at this moment because I can't find the right words for. I guess I talk a lot for somebody that's speechless, but my point is I've not been so satisfied basking in the unconditional and unbelievable amount of love and grace He's shown me through so many people in such a long time. And my goodness, does it feel good.

You know exactly who you are. I don't know what to say other than what hasn't already been said, but thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my little heart for showing me a snippet of the kind of God love has for me.