introvert's spin on college

I think part of being an introvert is checking to make sure you don't exhibit certain behavior in situations that you would never do on a regular basis.

I am always looking and putting myself in check over and over again.

First week of classes, and my introverted self has not stopped crying. Whether it's on a crowded bus, with people close enough for you to examine the pores on their face or with their elbows a mere inch away from your unfortunate rib side, or walking into a classroom packed with hundreds of students and not knowing a single soul, it's been a bit difficult.

In fact, today, while attending a new seminar and meeting new people, my introverted self let out a long wail. As I was introducing myself to a fellow classmate, I asked, as per usual for introductions, what his name was. Instead of a standard, "Hi my name is _____", he shrugged and said, "I don't have a name. I just exist." His blatant and unexpected answer sent me reeling. Huh? If his face hadn't been so serious, I would've burst out laughing, but something else about him told me that that would've been a horrible decision. Needless to say, the conversation took for some stilted turns and a collision into unwanted awkwardness.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I love college. It's been wonderful. Now you're thinking, "What? Didn't you just basically say it's been really awkward and bleh?" Well, yeah. Not gonna lie, it's been tough.

But in a good kind of way.

Now, you're really confused.

I am not a chatty person. If you think I am, it would mean I trust you quite a lot. Sometimes though, I wanna tell myself to be brave and just strike up conversations with people, regardless of whether or not I know them well. But if you're an introvert, you'll know that saying stuff like that takes a heck lot of effort. You have to think things through very carefully before you say it. It doesn't matter if it's something important or something as simple as, "I love your jacket." Your comment has to be thoughtful, but it can't be too deep. It can't be too generic either because then the conversation will most likely die. But then that depends because if this person turns out to be an extrovert, he or she will keep the ball rolling. Suppose he or she isn't however, the conversation would die, your effort would be in vain, and since you started it, you will feel responsible for the silence that follows.

The only times I can talk unrestrained from my introverted self, aside from with family and close friends, is with strangers sitting next to me on the airplane. There are two reasons for that (and this is a bit of tangent, so excuse me):

1. In the unlikely case of a plane malfunction or hijack, I would like to be holding the hand of a friend before I die. Thus, I almost always feel obligated to know the name of the person next to me. This way, if I should die and he or she should live, I'll say, "So-and-so, it was nice knowing you. Please tell my family I love them."

And 2. I feel that because I will most likely never see this person again, I can say whatever I want and particularly, be a person that I'm usually not.

Back to my point. It's really only been a week and I am thoroughly exhausted (both physically and mentally). College is going to stretch me in so many ways and I'm excited for it. God has been good and though my little introverted self may not appreciate it, I know there is going to be much growth ahead.