Gentlemen Don't

Note: After reading through my post, I will say that this could very well be addressed to a girl as well as a guy. It was never my intention to single out any gender, but the reason I address it to the guys is because a conversation with a dear friend the other day sparked a question that has been floating around in my head for days. Of course being the girls we were, the conversation ended up being about boys (heh). We joked and lamented about how there seemed to be no more guys who were true gentlemen anymore. Somehow the ones who were passionate about God and had a real relationship with him had disappeared off the face of the earth. Yeah, don't fuss bros, girls have just as much to blame but that'll be for another day. 

Dear fellow sirs,

Please know that as I write this letter/post, I am addressing you as my fellow brothers in Christ and expect you to live up to it. If you feel as if I am being too harsh, I apologize in advance. These were no easy words to say but they have been weighing me down ever since my conversation.

Now with that out the way, I must ask a serious question: are the long rumors of extraterrestrials true? Do they have a penchant for sweet, caring gentlemen? And have perhaps abducted them off the face of the earth to who-knows-where? No? Then answer me this... where have the gentlemen disappeared to?

How about we define the word first? Here, in my opinion, is what a gentlemen is.

gentlemen /'jentlmen/

1. A chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man that loves God above all else.

Right now you're thinking, 'Wow, seriously Ariel?' Yeah, seriously. Any boy can be courteous, honorable or chivalrous, but not every one of them has a real passion for God. Am I right? I know, this is harsh and perhaps the real answers to my questions lie between me and the circle of people I'm acquainted with.


Let me clarify and say that the reason for me writing this letter/post is not to ask why no future boyfriend/husband material exists. If that's what you're thinking or what you're getting from this, then sorry, that is not my intention. Let me also say for the record that as I write this, I am honestly not thinking of any person in particular. All of this is just from observation over the past few years. And yes, this post is mainly addressing all you fellas from your teens to college years.

Okay, now that we've got that out the way, why am I writing this? Two reasons:

Reason uno. Let's put aside the whole gentlemen need to have a passion for God thing for a second. A "normal" gentleman would be pictured as a mature young man with good manners and somebody who is sweet and thinks of others, yeah? Hmmm. From what I see of the boys in our generation now, they are so... ugh. Can I say selfish? Here's an example. Picture a guy and a girl in their late teen years (far from even the thought of marriage or any real direction together). The guy likes the girl. Like a lot. He decides to tell her without even a thought of how this might affect their friendship. The girl doesn't care for him in that way and even if she did, she decides that if she wanted to date it would be at a time where the relationship could actually go somewhere. However, she cares enough for this fellow and his well-being to know not to hurt him. Now, they are stuck in an awkward phase. The guy thinks, "Man this could totally work!" while the girl thinks, "Oh. My. Goodness. I don't even like you in that way and now I don't know how to tell you without hurting you or our friendship." And then from here on out, the girl must go through extreme measures to make sure she's not giving him false hope. The guy, on the other hand, doesn't even know how much this is affecting her or their friendship. Honestly, the situation could have been avoided if the guy had thought to hold his little mouth until the time was right, but no... seriously.

Fellas... please, hold it together. There's no need to tell the girl anything until the time is right. Waiting is key. Learn to be a gentleman and respect us girls. If you really like a girl, I would think you would let her go pursue her dreams/career and cheer her on from the sidelines. All the while, keep your feelings in check and don't worry if she won't be around by the time she's ready. If she's the one, you shouldn't have to worry. Don't think that the girl hasn't noticed you. The truth is, she probably already has. She's just waiting until you grow up. ;)

Here's a quote I read from the book "Passion & Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot the other day. I find it as a tactful reminder:

Let's be candid with ourselves before God. Call a spade a spade or even a muddy shovel. If your passions are aroused, say so--to yourself and God, NOT to the object of your passion. Then turn the reigns over to God. Bring your will to him. Will to obey him, ask for his help. He will not do the obeying for you, but he will help you. Don't ask me how. He knows how. You'll see.

Okay we'll move on to reason dos. I've noticed that in my (almost) eighteen years of existence, very rarely has the topic of God or any encouragement in my walk with God or really just anything to do with God ever come up in a conversation with any guy I know. For the times it has come up, the topic was brought up by me and usually ended up merely brushed away or treated as something very boring or dead by the opposite end. I can literally count on one hand all the conversations I've had with guys who've talked to me about their relationship with God on a deeper level. Personally, I find this extremely discouraging and I wonder if it's because guys at this age haven't matured enough yet or is this really something that they find boring? Or is it because they consider talking about these things "unmanly" because it's close to heart-to-heart issues at times? I really have no idea...

It seems to me that the only thing the boys of my generation find amusing to talk about (other than sports and girls) has to do with games. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with games but when all you ever do or talk about has to do with the next biggest RPG, it's no wonder you feel that everything else is boring. Challenge yourselves to do something different. Life is too good to be wasted away at the screen. Don't look back one day and regret for having spent countless hours invested into a silly virtual world. I don't think it's worth it and I'm sure you won't either.

Meh perhaps I'm being waaay too harsh to the guys but I will say I've had the privilege of knowing some of you who earnestly seek out God and pursue Him above everything else. It makes me smile when I hear guys encouraging other guys or girls in their spiritual walk. It just seems more.. rare, I guess...

Well, here's my last two cents for you boys: in a world where the media screams for your attention and distractions fly loose in various forms, line yourself up to Scripture. Go pursue His Word because that's the only thing that will count when it's all over. Trust me, stuff like that shows in your daily life. They say you reap what you sow and it's true. If you put computer games on the pedestal, it'll show. If you put girls or whatever trash you love as your number one priority, it'll show. And if you chase after God with your whole heart, it'll also show. The world could use a lot more gentlemen--men who are chivalrous, honorable, courteous and have a real relationship with God. The question is: will that be you?

Honestly,

A girl who thinks too much.