Hating to Love [pt. 2]

remember a month or two ago I wrote about loving that unloveable person in your life? (recap here) it's happening all over again. it seems like the more you invest in a person, the more it stings when that said person turns you away. I don't know.. I can't find or conjure about any amount of love to overlook the unloveable's flaws. it's so incredibly difficult and it makes me wonder why I bother in the first place.

unloveables. you love em, you hate em. but mostly, you just love to hate em and that's why you often find yourself hating to love them. you see, people often talk about rejected love in the terms of boyfriend/girlfriend, teenage angst etc. they never really talk about your close friends and/or family. never. they fail to realize that "rejected love" from your own blood or people you consider close to you is on an entirely different level when it happens.

a girl or guy rejects you? whatever. you'll find somebody else. you'll always find somebody else. what happens when you invest your time into loving and listening to friend or family member's frustrations and then they choose to push you away in the end? I'll tell you. it's like having salt rubbed on an open wound over and over again. try it sometime (actually, please don't,) I guarantee there'll be tears in your eyes. maybe one day I'll look back and think that I just overreacted and blew everything up to be bigger than it really was, but right now, the wound is still fresh and to be honest, it really hurts.

pardon my [insinuating] language here (I'm simply trying to make a point,) but you know how people often say, "who gives a #$&*%?!!!1!" yeah, well, with me it's more like, I give too many $^&%*#. in other words, I care too much. I don't know if it's a personality thing or whatever, but when I genuinely care about someone, I invest all my time and energy ensuring that person is okay and comfortable to the core. when they have a problem, I'm more than eager to help them with it in whatever way I can. the problem is, when a person I care about a lot is one of these unloveable people, I get uber invested into their life, which is not a bad thing per se until you run into the first sign of trouble. you see, unloveables are unloveables because they don't care whether or not you're so invested in his/her life.  it's not that they like to use you or anything. in fact, they probably don't even know what they're doing. they're glad you're there so they have a shoulder to lean on, but when things go horribly wrong or tough, who do they lash out at first? yep, you got it homeskillet. it's you.

so what do you do? well, any caring, normal human being would want to crawl into a hole and unplug himself from everything to do with this said person. I mean, after all you've done to help them, they throw you out the door and tell you to get lost. who wouldn't to distance themselves from these creatures people? the "correct" answer would be to keep on loving and trying, right? but then I wonder how many times must I love and care only to be hurt over and over again. and ultimately, is it even worth it?

you know, I often get this picture of me tucking Christ away into the backseat. I proclaim my love for Him but I prefer to run things my away and then BAM, I run into trouble. guess who I go to for help? so Christ takes the wheel for a bit, but when I don't see immediate results, I politely excuse Him into the backseat again. it's not like I'm trying to use Him or anything. in fact, it's never my intention when it happens...

hmm, why does this sound awfully familiar? <gulp>  I guess after everything's all said and done, I'm that unloveable. I wish I had something more profound to add, but I don't. the only thing I can say is that I most certainly have no right to point a finger and cry over my pathetic nick when I myself am guilty to the core. if Christ could continue to pour His abundant love into me, how can I not continue to love the unloveable in my life?

"We love because He first loved us." -1 John 4:9 (NIV)