Why I Have No Friends (Finding the Middle Ground)

Lately, my life has had this reoccurring theme of moderation. Let me explain.

For certain relationships, I'm realizing you can't be too nice or too mean to a person, you have to be right between (that rhymed.) No, I am not just pertaining to guy-girl relationships. This applies to pretty much everybody I know. "Mean" is actually not the word I'm looking for. What I'm trying to say is finding the line between being overtly friendly and downright cold. Take for example, I was out and about with a group of people from church recently and somebody I hadn't seen in over a year showed up, much to my surprise. This person came over to talk to me but it was cut short due to my, shall we say, lack of eagerness? I have absolutely nothing against her; she's a very sweet person from what I know and I wish I knew her better. It wasn't even after we finished talking that I realized what I was doing. You know the kind of attitude you have when you don't feel like talking anymore? You just kind of "uh huh" your way through everything and never bother to ask details etc. I'm ashamed. I was rude. I didn't talk to her for the rest of the day, and somehow we both just avoided each other until she waved goodbye. I don't think I was trying to be rude or mean, I just didn't make it a point to go talk to her and she stuck to the group of people she came with.

I had a lot of thinking over to do the past week, and somehow I've begun to see this pop up everywhere in my interaction with people. I'm not sure I'm even doing this intentionally! Actually, now that I think about it, I'm NOT doing it intentionally. It's become a habit though, digging its way into every corner of my being and making itself at home. So much to the point that a while ago (even before this whole incident), somebody at church told my mum that she thought I was very nice and approachable despite the fact that she'd always believed I always seemed "too cool" for everyone. WHAT?! The bashful, humble (just joking) me, TOO COOL?! I took it as an insult and refused to believe it. now I see exactly what she's talking about. Sigh. Rude Ariel, ruuuude. My apologies if you have ever been a victim of my wonderful "I'm-too-cool-for-school" persona before. You just couldn't handle my awesomeness. Kidding. I do apologize.

So it's better to be overtly friendly than downright cold, right? Well, not exactly. There's nothing that I hate more than people who are forcing themselves to be overtly friendly. It's a hideous sight. I'd rather people be genuinely rude (not like "BEEP you!!" rude, but like cold rude) than forcing friendliness. It disgusts me and frankly, it's hard to be genuine with people. At least for me. Of course, I could be just friendly, right? IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE MY FRIEND! Really, it is. I believe if you're going to be a friend, then be the bestest friend there is. Don't be one of those people who has tons of "friends" but never really connects with any of them. Aaaaaand that, people, is why I don't have friends... <runs to corner and cries>

(source)

I JEST. If you're reading this, you must be my friend, right? RIGHT?!

Ahem. Anyway.

In regard to lifestyle aka food (yes, my life is defined by food), I've been bouncing back and forth between "eat little but don't starve yourself" and "eat more but don't gain too much weight." Pretty ridiculous, eh? I guess it's only ridiculous 'cause it's true. Every couple of days, I step on the scale and have a mini-freak out session. OMG I GAINED A POUND, I'LL SKIMP ON BREAKFAST OR LUNCH OR DINNER. If I lose weight it's, OMG I CAN EAT MORE TODAY. And so the pattern goes. The blunt truth is that I'm not overweight or underweight. Heck, I'm not even unhealthy. When I say I'll eat more, it usually just means I'll have seconds for dinner. Food in our house is a simple affair (unless we have company over aka once every blue moon) and on top of that, my mother has us all under a health-conscious dieting regime. I jest about the dieting part, but you most certainly will not find any chips, crackers or cookies lying around the house. the only beverages we serve in the house are milk and water. If you don't believe me, come live in my house for a week.

And for people like me, I'm finding I have to draw the line for what I say to people and what I choose to keep silent about, even with close friends. It doesn't mean I'm trying to alienate people I'm close to, I just find a lot of times I talk incessantly about nonsense which may or may not indirectly harm so-and-so's reputation and tarnish whatever good things other people thought about that person. (Whew, that was long. you following?) And to be honest, I don't appreciate it when people spill every. single. bloody. detail. For the record, there is a difference between listening to a bff rant about a bad day or squeal about a fantastic day and having somebody tell you things that subtly damage so-and-so's reputation even if it's completely unintentional.

The list goes on. You have to be moderate between doing school work and finding something you enjoy. I think you have to be moderate in spending time alone and hanging out with friends. (Gawd, did I, of all people, just mention a social life?! Hilarious.) Long story short, I'm really bad at this moderation thing, as if you couldn't tell already. I bounce from one extreme to another. I hate it but I can't seem to help myself.

Pops told me something when I mentioned this to him a couple months ago. I've been chewing over it, but still haven't quite grasped the whole concept yet. He said it's not a matter of finding the middle, it's a matter of seeing things from Christ's perspective. Interesting point, but as slaves to righteousness and Christ-followers, exactly how should we go about in our daily life achieving the middle ground? Or does the middle ground really matter when Christ has already given us His standards to abide by? If you have any two-cents regarding this issue, please let me know ASAP. I'll invite you over and we can discuss this over a glass of milk... or water. Your choice. If you can't make it, feel free to leave a comment or email me. I'm dying to know what you think.

Have a swell weekend. :)