Be You

...those were the two words that screwed me over in my middle school days.

oh. my. goodness.

I can't even tell you how much I hated hearing them. I don't know if this happens to everyone or if it was just me, but during those days I hadn't the slightest clue what it meant to "be me". honestly, when you're that age, you kinda just go with whatever is cool and half the time you're too busy struggling with maintaining a ridiculous "status", if one can even call it that, to be accepted among peers to even know who exactly you are... you like how so-and-so is so funny, so you strive to be just as, if not more, funny. you like how so-and-so dresses, so you decide you could wear that same shirt or buy the same shoes or style your hair the same way too. heck, sometimes perhaps you even decided to be "original" or "unique", you could like a certain genre of music, dress a certain way, talk like a certain person that nobody else likes just for the sake of making a statement and not because you genuinely like the thing/person. sound familiar?

flipping through my old journal entries one day, I found this:


"you know what's funny? I try to find ways to be the real me, but even with a blog or a journal, or anything really, I find that I constantly keep myself in check, fearing what others think of me and afraid that perhaps what they think of me is different than the REAL me... have I been living my life simply geared around others and how I want them to see me as opposed to letting them see me despite the ugly flaws and imperfections? the latter being bluntly honest and brutal, but absolutely 100% real."

I think I hated "be you" so much because I honestly didn't know who I was. my personality was made up by snippets of other people's personalities--the bits I liked about them and wanted my life to be molded after. it's weird to say that none of it was really... well, real. or maybe it was, I mean, all of it has somewhat played a part to who I am today, right? (though I am not saying that I continue to gear myself around other people's perception of me even if it gets incredibly tempting at times).

so what would you tell a kid who has trouble fitting in among his peers? "be yourself"?

okay then, I have a question.

a question?! SHE THINKS. <GASP> 

what if "being you" consisted of being a sad, lonely, pitiful human being (a "norm" for the kid you're addressing)? would you still tell that kid to "be you"? I mean, could he still "be you" in such a circumstance? what I'm getting at is... isn't there more than just the one aspect of being you?

whoa girl, whoa. slow down.

sorry, let me explain. you can't tell that poor kid to just be himself, because at this point, "being you" to him is a very confusing thing. to him when he's down, lonely and pitiful, he's essentially still being himself, yeah? on the other hand, there's a probably another side to him that you would love to see--a cheerful, initiative kid who fits in with the others better. once again, that is also part of being him, just a different side, ride? the kid can choose to be him when he decides to choose the better part of "being him" (at least from the outsider's perspective).

does that make sense? no? okay, all I'm really trying to say is there are many parts to YOU, agreed? you can be an angry or sad or cheerful or outgoing or shy or loud person, the list goes on and on, and all that consists of your personality, yeah? BUT when you are telling somebody to be themselves what exactly are you implying? are you asking them to be what they're usually like (which could vary from person to person, like I said before) or are you actually indirectly requiring them to act a certain way? it's like I said earlier, if, for example, a kid is painfully shy and that's all he's ever been up to this point in his life, you'll get two reactions from telling him to "be you". 1. he'll continue being the downer he is because that's all he's been all his life and that's what the term means to him or 2. he might reject that side to himself as not normal and "not him" and get even more incredibly confused as to what "being you" really means. if he has the first reaction and continues to be shy and quiet because to him, that IS him. you're thinking "be you" in terms of "be outgoing, be normal like everybody else, be engaging.." yeah? you wouldn't tell a shy kid to "be you" and then actually nod your approval of him being shy. it just doesn't make sense. okay, now if his reaction is the second, then this is what I'm trying to get at. unless you know this person very well, and know that he is confident in himself and has no trouble in. that. area, then please think twice before telling somebody to "be yourself" again.

with all that said, "be yourself" just doesn't cut it. it's a highly confusing and horrible phrase to tell a kid facing an identity crisis or really just anyone for that matter. I know that all I said was probably just uber strange or too out the box, so here's a video I happened to stumble upon while thinking about this topic. it ties in quite nicely to what I'm saying and he gives a far better description at the vagueness and confusion for "being you". see for yourself.

warning: video contains some language.

and all I have to say is well said, Mike. well said.