Hating To Love

how do you love somebody unconditionally with no exceptions? I am dying to know. it's so easy to love the cute ones, the pretty ones, the nice ones, but what about the not-so-cute ones? the ones that bug you to death, the ones that get angry for no real reason, the ones that just know exactly which buttons to push to ruin your day? and the worst part is they don't even do it intentionally. it just... happens. heeeelp.

I promised when I first made this blog to be honest and well, that has gotten a little bit hard for me because at first I could count on one hand who actually read my posts, but now I have no idea who reads this and for whatever reason, it kinda makes me more cautious to speak my heart out. regardless, I still resolve to be as honest and open as possible and if you're new here, then please buckle up and prepare to be blasted by my ramblings.

okay, back on topic. this whole love-the-unloveables (yeah, I just made that word up and I'm going to be using it for the rest of this post, so sorry to all you spelling nazis. heh) has been such a struggle for me. every single time I try to love that unloveable person, it's like I run out of love and in the end I'm just burnt out, angry and exhausted and that person is still as unloveable as ever. waah. and then the cycle begins again. lots of frustrated tears. deep breath. plaster on that smile.

so fake lah. I'm not even sure that's really called love. I'm only beginning to realize (like the slow person I am) that there is no bloody way I can ever truly love a person because every effort I make will fall short. it can't be helped. there's absolutely nothing in my power that can allow me to just love unconditionally.

BUT. (oh thank God!)

this seems like a continuation of my LAST post where I said everyday is a continually emptying out of me and asking God to fill me with more of Him. I think when Christ fills me with more of Him, His love is poured out into me and so I'm loving with a greater love--one that will never run out. does that make sense? so, in the end, it's not me that's running short on love, because I'm really using God's love to love that person. boy, I'm almost starting to confuse myself yet it makes so much sense. eeek. so finally, finally, I am just beginning to grasp 1 John 4:9:

"We love because He first loved us."

a verse we hear all the time yet finally I can just begin to scratch the surface of understanding what it really means. I am unbelievably excited about this because it's something that's sort of always been head knowledge but now I can actually look for ways to implement it in real life! 


I don't usually end with questions but I gotta ask and you can answer this to just yourself: what about you? what's something that you've always known but could never really put to use? do you plan to do something about it or are you just going to let it waste away in your mind? you've got one life chum, live it well. live it right.