anyway, despite all that, i must say this camp/retreat was veryy eye-opening for me. well okay, it was eye-opening, refreshing, fun, intense, relaxing, convicting, emotional, hilarious and memorable to say the least. yup. i'm attempting to type all this down while it's all fresh in my mind, so here goes.
before i start, let me give a quick run-through about the organization that was running this retreat (JTH for short). IBLP (institute of basic life principles) is something that our family has been in for awhile...and it's not your typical organization...let me give you a little idea...the person in charge of IBLP is Mr. Bill Gothard. we'll call him Mr. G for short. he doesn't believe in christian contemporary in the church. or anywhere else for that matter and he does not approve in any "wordly" music. period. he does not approve of going to the theaters or watching movies either. another thing is that all ladies must wear skirts at all times. yes, all times. (cept when sleeping or in private quarters). no tight or revealing tops allowed. jeans are not allowed for ladies and don't even talk about shorts. guys must wear khakis...or long pants along with button down shirts/polos. yeah, even when they're doing construction work. mhmm. most of the people involved with IBLP are homeschooled, or have been. anyway, you get the picture, i'm sure. personally, i don't believe in some of the convictions that IBLP holds, but everybody's different, so who am i to judge?
okay, going on, so there i was, in chicago, holding my suitcase full of skirts and my phone, totally unprepared for what the next ten days would do to my life. when we got to HQ, we were split into teams. apparently, there were forty girls on this journey, so there were ten girls on each team. how perfect. i got put into the most amazing team everrr (GREEN!). the girls come from everywhere...different states, countries. one of my roomies came from london. (yes, she had the sickest accent ever.)
shortly after arriving, i got interviewed by mr. G as did everybody else, and met all the members of our team...except one who got delayed and was coming in the next morning. we stayed at HQ for two days, then monday morning, we woke up super early. like five thirty? and got ready to take a six-hour drive to the northwoods in michigan. we sat in 15-passenger vans, each group (which was a different color) were in a van. it was quite a cute sight to see; petite little ladies driving such humongous vehicles.
a couple members of the green team just before we headed off for northwoods.
my time at northwoods was amazing...not only was the place just gorgeous (think beautiful lodge surrounded by evergreens and a shimmery lake), but there was absolutely no schedule to follow and nothing to distract us. our phones were taken away for a week. no laptops allowed. we were completely unplugged.
our team leader, laurie, would sent us out every morning by ourselves to have our quiet time with God. a typical day would be something like this...wake up at 6:30 or later, (depending on laurie), team get-together, we get sent out...come back an hour later, share&discuss our rhemas, eat brunch, get sent out, share&discuss, maybe some free time, dinnertime, general sessions, chill time, then lights out...every day was always something different. on one night, after we watching louie giglio's "how great is our God" (ever seen the laminin video on youtube?), we snatched our hoodies, and ran out to lay on the airstrip and stare at the little million lights that dotted the sky above. on another night, we gathered in the panoramic tower and sang our hearts out and then cried out for family and friends. it was so powerful. it was like God was right there among us, working in our hearts. i will never ever forget that.
our team leader, laurie, would sent us out every morning by ourselves to have our quiet time with God. a typical day would be something like this...wake up at 6:30 or later, (depending on laurie), team get-together, we get sent out...come back an hour later, share&discuss our rhemas, eat brunch, get sent out, share&discuss, maybe some free time, dinnertime, general sessions, chill time, then lights out...every day was always something different. on one night, after we watching louie giglio's "how great is our God" (ever seen the laminin video on youtube?), we snatched our hoodies, and ran out to lay on the airstrip and stare at the little million lights that dotted the sky above. on another night, we gathered in the panoramic tower and sang our hearts out and then cried out for family and friends. it was so powerful. it was like God was right there among us, working in our hearts. i will never ever forget that.
inside of the panoramic tower.
what i've gotten from the journey: well, like i said before, we had no phones, no laptops, no means of communication with the "outside" world; northwoods was located in the middle of nowhere and civilization was far from us. it was just me, God and my team and because of that i was able to get away from everybody and everything. i had all the time in the world to spend with Him and i can honestly say, i've got to meet Him there, just like how i've always wanted to. i've drawn closer to Him more than i ever have since the past ten days. like drastically. it seemed like in the middle of everything, God was just telling me to be still and listen to what He had to say. i have to admit, the first couple times when laurie (leader) sent us out for an hour to have alone time with God, i was mentally trying to figure out how to occupy myself for the next forty-five minutes. my devos, by far, had never taken an hour to do. fifteen at the most. i wandered around the lodge and opened a random door on the second floor. apparently, it was the balcony of the gym with a sofa where one could sit and watch the activities below. since there was nobody inside, i sat down on the sofa and pulled out my Bible and the binder with the pages on the hearts. this pretty much became my fave spot to go to for the next couple of days.
we were supposed to evaluate ourselves about certain types of hearts (prideful, adulterous, bitterness...etc) and as i sat there reading about the prideful heart, it hit me how i had never considered myself prideful. but as i read page after page describing a prideful person, i realized it was talking about me. needless to say, this was the first of many convictions to come in the following week. around the second night, we were listening to nancy leigh demoss talking about forgiveness. during prayer, i was trying to figure out if i had been holding grudges against anybody, but nothing came to mind. a little while later, when one of the girls was sharing on my team about how she had been bitter towards a church that had asked their family to leave because of differences, it was then suddenly a trigger set off something in my mind and i remembered how i had been so bitter against the church we were at right now. here's a little backstory: couple years ago, when my parents served at this church, there had been a big split among the congregation and not to go into too much detail, there were some people that verbally attacked my parents and wounded them deeply even though they had selflessly given so much to the church. for the longest time i can remember, there were tears shed almost everyday and it hurt me so much to see my parents go through so much pain. after seeing all this happen to them, i shut down and told myself that i hated this church. yes, i hated them inside so much. i hated how they had made my parents go through all that and i hated them for just everything.
anywho, when this popped in my head, mann, it was soo tough to let go. i told God he couldn't possibly expect me to forgive the church. i was so angry at these people for hurting our family like that, there was just no way, but He told me this would hinder my relationship with Him, and if anything, i was holding the offense for my parents, when they had already long ago forgave the church. because of this grudge, it was seriously hindering me from being really free. after a long struggle, i gave it up to God. let me tell you, it felt so goood and i definitely don't regret it.
sometime, during the middle of the week, laurie got our team to listen to a girl named janny moore who shared her testimony with us via skype. janny was a super cheerful person, and she often smiled and laughed as she told her testimony. she had been anorexic in her teen years for a long time until one day her body began to shut down, and she almost died. for a long time, she was in the hospital, because her stomach would reject any food she put down due to starving herself for too long. during this time, God opened her eyes and her life was completely restored and changed. after she shared her testimony with us, she told us how our body was His temple and we should treat it like that. this is hard for me to share, because i've never really flat out told anybody...i've never suffered from anorexia or bulimia, but for a long time i've struggled about my weight and the way i look. i was never pleased with myself physically. i always too fat and/or too ugly. the idea of being anorexic and/or bulimic scares me but i have to honestly say, there have been many many days where i've considered going down that road. i look back now, and i am so thankful that God spared me from that. after listening to janny's testimony, i cried out to God and asked His forgiveness for always believing that i was a mistake. wow, you know what? God doesn't make mistakes, i was created in His image and i do believe after a very very long time that i am fearfully and wonderfully made.
so you'd think that that was all that i learned, right? well, on the last night, laurie gave a message about surrendering our all to God. i had already called mum and dad the night before to confess some things that i had been hiding from them, so as i listened to my leader talk about surrendering, i figured i had it all done. it wasn't until we started praying, i understood what surrendering REALLY meant. one thing i had never surrendered was my friends. my friends? what? let me explain...after my move to nj, i had a constant fear about everybody back there changing and never being the same as i remembered. i mean, i knew we were all going to be different no matter what, but i really didn't want to accept that. i knew deep inside, i didn't want anything to change yet i knew that was impossible. the fear inside me grew bigger and bigger, and it was so crazy because i hadn't realized how much it was eating me up. (yes, i know, i'm quite slow at realizing things). once again, i struggled with God...i had already given so many things up, i was not about to give up my friends...but as you know, i never win when it comes to my little struggles with God, so i surrendered my friends to Him, and my time, and my family and my life. gee, i had never felt so free in my life. CHYEAH.
yeah, well those were just a couple of things i got to take away from the journey. if i was to go through everything i learned, that might take ...a long time. hehe. on top of all that, i met some super super amazing people, like i predicted in my previous post. as i mentioned before, one of my roomies came from london. omword, let me tell you, she had the sickest accent ever. hehe. everybody was unique and special in their own way and it was fun to see how we all came together on one accord and made so many precious memories together.
anywho, when this popped in my head, mann, it was soo tough to let go. i told God he couldn't possibly expect me to forgive the church. i was so angry at these people for hurting our family like that, there was just no way, but He told me this would hinder my relationship with Him, and if anything, i was holding the offense for my parents, when they had already long ago forgave the church. because of this grudge, it was seriously hindering me from being really free. after a long struggle, i gave it up to God. let me tell you, it felt so goood and i definitely don't regret it.
sometime, during the middle of the week, laurie got our team to listen to a girl named janny moore who shared her testimony with us via skype. janny was a super cheerful person, and she often smiled and laughed as she told her testimony. she had been anorexic in her teen years for a long time until one day her body began to shut down, and she almost died. for a long time, she was in the hospital, because her stomach would reject any food she put down due to starving herself for too long. during this time, God opened her eyes and her life was completely restored and changed. after she shared her testimony with us, she told us how our body was His temple and we should treat it like that. this is hard for me to share, because i've never really flat out told anybody...i've never suffered from anorexia or bulimia, but for a long time i've struggled about my weight and the way i look. i was never pleased with myself physically. i always too fat and/or too ugly. the idea of being anorexic and/or bulimic scares me but i have to honestly say, there have been many many days where i've considered going down that road. i look back now, and i am so thankful that God spared me from that. after listening to janny's testimony, i cried out to God and asked His forgiveness for always believing that i was a mistake. wow, you know what? God doesn't make mistakes, i was created in His image and i do believe after a very very long time that i am fearfully and wonderfully made.
so you'd think that that was all that i learned, right? well, on the last night, laurie gave a message about surrendering our all to God. i had already called mum and dad the night before to confess some things that i had been hiding from them, so as i listened to my leader talk about surrendering, i figured i had it all done. it wasn't until we started praying, i understood what surrendering REALLY meant. one thing i had never surrendered was my friends. my friends? what? let me explain...after my move to nj, i had a constant fear about everybody back there changing and never being the same as i remembered. i mean, i knew we were all going to be different no matter what, but i really didn't want to accept that. i knew deep inside, i didn't want anything to change yet i knew that was impossible. the fear inside me grew bigger and bigger, and it was so crazy because i hadn't realized how much it was eating me up. (yes, i know, i'm quite slow at realizing things). once again, i struggled with God...i had already given so many things up, i was not about to give up my friends...but as you know, i never win when it comes to my little struggles with God, so i surrendered my friends to Him, and my time, and my family and my life. gee, i had never felt so free in my life. CHYEAH.
yeah, well those were just a couple of things i got to take away from the journey. if i was to go through everything i learned, that might take ...a long time. hehe. on top of all that, i met some super super amazing people, like i predicted in my previous post. as i mentioned before, one of my roomies came from london. omword, let me tell you, she had the sickest accent ever. hehe. everybody was unique and special in their own way and it was fun to see how we all came together on one accord and made so many precious memories together.
joy duggarr! (ever seen 20 and counting?) she's quite the sweetheart.
still, my soul be still.
do not be moved
by lesser lights and fleeting shadows.
hold onto His ways
with shield of faith
against temptations flaming arrows.
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