On Parenting

I think it's somewhat safe to say that I enjoy being in the company of little kids and children in general.  Having spent time with two to six year olds every week for the past year, I am very slowly understanding just how kids run. So please, take it from me when I say I don't have anything against rowdy children. Nope, they are not a public disturbance when they scream and cry. (Okay, maybe they are to some folks, especially when you're stuck together on a plane for five hours straight.) But honestly, to me, they're just kids being, well, kids. You wanna know what bugs me though? What bugs me is when I see kids that are disrespectful and disobedient. Ugh. You just want to put that child in his/her place, but that's not your job. Whose job is it? Oh yes, the parents. You wanna know what kills me? When parents have absolutely zero control over their kids. Yes, it kills me.

Bad parenting. Seriously. I've seen it. You have too. Don't be shy about it. Just say it. SAY IT RIGHT NOW. It's cringe-worthy. It's possibly cry-worthy too (that's not a real word). It makes you wanna shake your fists and yell clean things (because I forbid obscene language on my blog and everywhere else in general). Why do parents take their five-year old to see rated R movies? Why do they yell at their kids and then expect them to be gentle with other people? Why do they threaten and bribe? Why do they compare their little ones to stimulate them to "grow"? Is it because they were brought up like that too? Or is it because parents don't know any better? Maybe it's both. The sad thing is they're setting up a pattern for their own kids and when these kids grow up, they have the tendency do the same exact things if they don't know any better. 

Fine. I'll be bluntly honest. Kids can be a nightmare sometimes. They make you wanna scream, "BECAUSE I TOLD YOU SO" whenever they question you. (I don't recommend saying that btw.) But ask any teacher, do they dread the kids more or the parents? Usually, it's the latter. Much of the troublesome behavior that the little ones display in the classroom has nothing to do with what they learn from their mates. I assure you, nine out of ten times, it starts from home. 

What is bad parenting, you ask? It's when the parents want their kids to behave, so they threaten to carry out a punishment if the kids disobey and fail to follow through with it when they really do. Eventually, the kids start to see through their empty words and run all over the parents. Kids aren't stupid. Try talking to them without stooping down sometime and you'll understand what I mean. The parents quickly decide to implement plan B, where they bribe the kiddies because the threats aren't working. The kids figure out super quickly that they can manipulate their folks into giving them what they want. Guess who's in control now? Definitely not the parents. 

The hypothetical situation above is, of course, only one situation. Then, there's the fact that kids are constantly absorbing all they see. They take it all in--the good and the bad. They don't know how to weed out the bad, so everything stays. They tell everything as it is. Mom prays with me every night, they say. I have cavities, they say. My older sister braids my hair, they say. My baby sister cries all night, they say. I miss my Dad when he's away on the airplane, they say. Mom and Dad were arguing, they say. Mom has been crying a lot lately, they say. They hide nothing. Some things they don't have to say. They display it in their attitudes, personalities, characters, and actions. Some fish for the hugs and kisses they don't get at home. Others dig for a simple word of affirmation. Still some are tough nuts to crack. 

Should I go on about how the majority of the kids I interact with lack a complete set of parents? Sometimes the parents are both there, but only one is supporting the family on the spiritual and emotional aspect. Children need both a mom and a dad. IT'S NOT AN OPTIONAL THING. Daughters need their mothers to be there, to have girl talk with them, to tell them they're beautiful and they love them, and to giggle and cry with. A daughter needs a dad to show her what a good, honest, hard-working, God-fearing man looks like. Maybe, you're reading this and you don't believe these kind of guys, much less dads, exist. Don't snort. Ideally, a dad should show his daughter what to look for in a gentleman. Unfortunately, who do you think is filling in this role right now? Yeah, you got it. The media is and it's brewing a recipe for disaster. Sons need fathers too. Who else is going to teach them to be that gentleman? Certainly not this messed up society where many guys chase girls with all the wrong intentions. I just want to say, kids need to see both their parents in it. Marriage is not supposed to be a one man thing and neither is parenting. Children can no longer look at their parents for the definition of a healthy (not perfect, mind you) marriage and instead are turning to Hollywood trash for guidance. And that, dear friend, is heart-breaking. 

Obviously, coming from an eighteen year old, I say this all from pure and strict observation. I don't have the answers to parenting problems as I have not yet walked a mile in those shoes (and don't plan to for a good number of years), but I can say after observing here and there I realize it really takes a lot to raise kids and a family, in general, the "right" way. I put right in quotations because I don't think there is a right way. Other than raising a child with Biblical principles and supporting and loving them with every fiber you have, that's all that you can do and all that matters at the end of the day. If you have parents or a parent that taught you how to fear God and be respectful, then stand up and salute them. They're doing the right thing and you should be grateful. Good parents are hard to come by, and God-fearing ones even more so. Here's a cheer to them and everything they've taught you. One day you'll look back and realize what a gem it was to have parents that showed you how to be one yourself. And that, within itself, can make all the difference.