Superfluous Shenanigans: How God Delights in Humor (A Story about my Flight Home)

note: I don't usually tell detailed stories or really any stories in general on my blog... but WHEN I do, they usually have to be somewhat detailed (at least as detailed as my memory will allow.) so please excuse this lengthy post. also, on another note, I hope it's clear by now I don't approve of cussing and foul language. in this story I am about to tell you, there is insinuation of yucky language. please know by telling this story I am not condoning this behavior. if you are not comfortable with such, then well you'd be better off stepping away from this page. if it doesn't bother you, then by all means, read on...

when I arrived home Thursday night, it was as if somebody had draped a black mist over the whole neighborhood. an eerie ghost town greeted me. every light had been silently snuffed out and the only glow came from the moon and the dim headlights that drilled holes into the thick and forlorn mist ahead. after a candlelight dinner and a flashlight shower, I stumbled into bed, wondering about how everything had turned out for the better.

my God is amazing. it's not often I say this. and I suppose I don't quite say it enough, but sometimes I am just blown away by Him and the way He chooses to do things.

I was reminded this past week of His unending love and care for me. you know, even when I decide I think I'm better off the way I am, He's always putting things right in front of me saying "hey. don't think I'm going to give up on you quite yet. you think it's that easy to shake me off? I'm not done here." it's so... profound. it's the kind of love that makes you want to sob two bucketful of tears and your heart shatter into a million pieces out of mere ecstasy just knowing somebody loves you that much.

I remember just before I flew out to Indy talking excitedly over the phone and finalizing last minute details with the bro. I recall packing in anticipation the night before, staying up, and bawling to a certain episode in Downton Abbey Season 3 (not saying why.) when my parents got home at midnight from Bible study, I remember them asking if I really wanted to go because there was a possibility my flight would get delayed or cancelled if I went. and of course, pretty much everybody by now knows that it was midterm week once I got back, so it was a risk I was going to have to take. for whatever reason, I didn't say anything and my parents let me go (and not in an reluctant manner either.) I packed all my books just in case and boy, did those come in handy.

I've already shared part of the experience at the school, so I won't go into too much detail here. I will say it was a breath of fresh air for me to meet new people and chill out and about. it was very surreal to experience Verity life. (okay, so I missed out on chapel every morning and only wore a skirt to church but hey... who's judging..) in retrospect, I am quite grateful my brother stuck me with the people he did. not that I had anything against them in the first place, but they were the best people I could've ever asked for to stay with. I've always solidly believed that a group of three was a bad idea, but now I stand corrected. 

though the stay wasn't something I'd consider "life-changing," it was most definitely a blessing in disguise. I’m not sure how everything would've played out had I chosen to stay home instead. of course, the teachers might’ve been gracious enough to extend a deadline or two but for me, it’s pretty hard to straighten things out once my schedule’s been jostled with and this being senior year that’s just a risk I probably would have handled poorly. beside the midterms, well, I probably wouldn't have met the people I did and satisfied my curiosity of the school. I had simply wanted a taste of the V life and figured that going to Harvest Fest would be enough for me to experience. God went the extra mile, of course, and I stayed three extra days. during the course of those three days, I occupied the couch in the corner of the room and felt almost like a fly on the wall—beady, little eyes observing everybody going on about their business and doing the things they usually do on a normal day. 

when I say “fly on the wall,” though, I don’t mean I was treated like I was non-existent. in fact, it was quite the opposite; the roomies kept me in the loop and filled me with little tidbits about people and the school. they were such gracious and dear people who kept me company whenever they had time to spare—making sure I had a place to study, keeping me “de-hydrated,” buying me shakes and frappes, filling me in with reports about the bro (nothing bad, of course hehe), the list goes on…

anyway. onto the actual story...

I've always thought coming home from trips were the most anti-climactic things ever. you have a great trip and then everything suddenly just boils down to a terrible plane ride where you’re forced to sit next to a stranger and ignore the static in your hair. sigh. not to mention, if you’re sitting in the window seat, you must pray for a nice person to sit next to and won’t mind you climbing over him or her to get out should you feel the need to use the latrine. I mean, it's not horribly awkward per se, but I can't help but think what would happen if he or she was incredibly rude or.. strange. the bottom line is you don't want to be next to a weirdo or meanie for a couple of hours straight with no space to move or place to run..or maybe, that's just me being paranoid. 

well, to be honest, I hadn't given too much thought about anti-climactic endings the day I was headed home. all I cared about was getting home quickly and safely. Thursday evening, the night I was to fly home, I miscalculated how long it would take to get to the airport. my flight was to leave at 5:56 PM, boarding time was 5:21 PM, and it was 5:10 PM when I arrived at the airport, disheveled and silently panicking. needless to say, I checked in to my flight in a flurry, rushed through security and raced down the terminal (or tried to), ignoring the strange looks people cast my way. when I reached the gate, I discovered to my dismay, that the airline had changed it. anxious, I checked the board where they displayed flights but all it read next to my flight number was “Gate changed” with no indication of which gate it had been changed to.

at this point, it was already 5:25 PM and I was certain my flight had left without me. panic and frustration began to ensue.

I ran to the nearest desk and asked the lady there about my flight. she kindly informed me that my flight had been delayed (once again) and would depart at 8:40 PM. 

whew. I dropped my bags and collapsed into the nearest chair, filled with relief and gratitude. a couple phone calls later and a quick chat online with a friend, I decided to find some grub. being the lazy person I am, I had my good friend, Ethan, check online the closest restaurant near me and which place was a good and cheap eat. after chowing down an overpriced Auntie Anne’s pretzel dog, an announcement to passengers on my flight came on:

"all passengers on flight 3555, please report to the desk at Gate A21. there is exciting news for you."

I wondered if the woman announcing this exciting news was sarcastic because she sounded less than ecstatic about it. perhaps my flight had been cancelled again... I dragged my bags over to the desk, lined up with everybody else and realized that we were all getting a transfer and leaving immediately.

a couple minutes later, I found myself squeezing past passengers to get to my seat at the very back of the plane. as I helped the woman in front of me stash her overweight bag into the compartment above the seats, I prayed I would be sitting next to a nice person.

17C. my seat.

I looked up and saw a sharply dressed fellow (probably somewhere in his early twenties) in the seat next to mine. he smiled politely and stood up to let me get to my seat. I had barely kicked my backpack underneath the seat in front of me and settled down, when a loud and obnoxious voice erupted from the back, “hey lady. you lookin’ fine. you work here? how’s bout you get me a beer and we can hit it up?”

I turned my head slightly and saw the stewardess roll her eyes but could not see who the voice had come from. I smiled at the idea of somebody trying to hit on the airline attendant. the guy next to me (we’ll call him J) had obviously heard too and was smiling.

the obnoxious voice continued, probably addressing the unfortunate guy next to him, “hey, I just wanna go home. I’m tired. when will we leave? I wanna go home. when you think we leavin'?”

another voice, the obnoxious guy’s neighbor, I assumed, replied, “don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll be leaving soon.”

Obnoxious-man (we’ll call him O for short) snorted, “yeah, we better. you fly often?...you know how you have to put your phone on airplane mode? what the beep is that? like airplane mode? like what does it do? why we gotta do this airplane mode?" 

the way he says "airplane mode" is as if it's some complicated medical disorder. I look over at J and he’s trying not to laugh out loud.

O continued with his rant, "...you going home or what? I live in Newark. I served in the military."

his neighbor replied, "I'm a pastor."

O laughed, "oh you are? I'm Mormon. I guess we share the same beliefs, you know?"

don’t know why but the fact that he thought Mormons and Christians were somewhat alike made me almost snort from trying to conceal my laughter.  J leaned over and whispered, “I’m recording this” and motioned to his iPhone. I gave him a thumbs-up in approval.

"...yeah, so don't you just hate take-off? I’m used to it cause I was in the military. you have to be used to flying….” and here he inserted some derogatory comment about what flying did to his parts.

his neighbor replied patiently, “hey, I’m a pastor. I don’t want to hear that.”

“well, beep you pastor..” O continued blabbing on and on about whatever nonsense.

the conversation continued as O ranted on and on about his military stuff. at that point, the rest of the passengers sitting near the back were listening to the conversation too. some turned their heads to get a better view of O. I still had no idea what he looked like. 

things took a turn for the worse when the couple behind me returned to their seats.

O piped up, “hey lady, what you doing?”

"none of your business" the lady replied.

O tried again, “hey, c'mon what you doing?”

this time he was met with silence.

her boyfriend spoke up, “you don’t need to know what she’s doing. that’s none of your business.”

I could almost hear the sneer in O's voice, “yeah, sure man. she’s probably just getting a tampon out her bag or something.”

Boyfriend Man snapped back, “hey, say that again to my girlfriend and I will kill you. you know, people like you don’t deserve to live. you say rude things to women and pastors? what is wrong with you? eff you!”

there was a short silence from the back but apparently O must’ve said something because the next thing I knew Boyfriend Man had gone from Bruce Banner to mega Hulk mode, “WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND?! YOU COME HERE AND SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN AND I WILL BEEPING RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!”

O remained unfazed, “sure. you wanna fight? I’ll fight. I’m from the military. I don’t beeping care.”

I swallowed hard and pretended everything was going to be alright, but in my head I was already mapping out my escape route should a fight really have broken out... 

hmmm, I'd have to climb over those unfortunate old ladies sitting directly in front of me and karate chop my way off the plane.. wait, but what if Boyfriend-Man got pushed over to my seat? should I cry mercy? should I roundhouse kick him? should I hide behind J? should I attempt to crawl under the seats? should I drop down and play dead? or perhaps blend in like a tree?

it was the kind of situation where I wanted to burst out laughing but at the same time, was too terrified to under penalty of death. of course, if this had all taken place elsewhere, I would've stepped away as soon as it started. the reality was I had nowhere to run and all of a sudden, I felt very vulnerable. J seemed to stay put. he wasn't smiling anymore but he didn't seem to think it would get out of hand. by now, the passengers up front were all craning their necks to see what was going on.

I could almost see the spittle flying out of Boyfriend Man's mouth as he yelled even louder, “YOU COME HERE YOU! AND I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL BEEPING KILL YOU!”

there was a thumping and scuffling from behind me as if B-Man was trying to to grab at O. all the while, O remained strangely calm and nonchalant which only provoked B-Man more.

the Girlfriend smothered her nervousness with a bout of giggles, “sit down, honey. <giggle> just ignore him, <more giggles> please. <gigglefest>”

Boyfriend Man ignored her and continued to yell and O started to cuss back at him, “hey, I grew up in da hood…”

yes, he really said that.

 “…I don’t beeping care. I’m from Newark, my family is Italian, and we’re tough. you think I’m scared of you, ya little beeping beep…” 

I don’t know why but O launched into his story about growing up in sketch places. maybe he thought it’d somehow intimidate Boyfriend Man.

suddenly, an abrupt scream from Girlfriend sliced the air, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

a couple of well-rounded kicks pummeled against the back of my seat and I turned in time to see Boyfriend Man's complexion turn into the familiar green. he ripped open his checkered shirt with a startling cry that shook the atmosphere:

 "HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULK SMAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!"

... and proceeded to pulverize O to little pieces. 

nah, I'm kidding. but that would've been interesting. 

instead, he charged down the aisle, face as red as a ripe tomato, steam flying out of his ears, and fists clenched tightly.

O fell silent.

for a solid ten minutes,the Hulk-aka-Boyfriend-Man was nowhere to be seen and instead, a male airline attendant walked up and asked for O.

“the captain wants you off his plane," he said with a calm composure.

O snorted, “why? I didn't do no nothing man. who told you something was wrong? that beeping guy? well, it’s his word against mine. I’m from the military. I didn't do anything. I just want to leave. when we leaving?”

the attendant informed him that he was delaying everybody on the plane.

after a couple minutes of steady banter, the attendant turned around and I guessed O was too big for him to take on. he returned a couple minutes later with the captain and a burly policeman. the policeman spoke loud enough for the whole cabin to hear, “I’m giving you two choices. you either leave nicely or things will get ugly and I will take you and I WILL put you in jail.”

yes, he did say that.

O muttered something about being in the military but the policeman informed him again that he had only two options. O got up to leave and as he passed my row, I blinked in shock that he was nothing like I imagined him to be. I'd pictured everything but a middle-aged man, wearing a black polo tucked in khakis with his hair neatly combed back. I still have trouble believing that that man was the same guy yelling profanities and slurring together incoherent sentences from the backseat. I was later told that he'd had too much to drink while waiting at the airport.

anyway, as the captain walked by our seats, one of the two elderly ladies, sitting in front of J and I, timidly tapped him on the arm.

“sir, will we get there in time?”

the captain, a short-stocky man, smiled, “I’ll try my best.”

the old lady nodded, "oh good, good." she paused for a second, "can you fly faster?”

laughter erupted around us.

the captain winked and mock saluted her, “for you, I will!”

the whole cabin burst into joyous applause. I swear if there was any perfect moment for Handel's "Hallelujah" to start playing and the angels to begin in heavenly song, that was it.  

J chuckled and quipped, “just don’t speed. don’t wanna get a ticket.” 

the funny thing is that when we touched down later, J checked the time and said we'd arrived earlier than scheduled. guess that captain did keep his word...

anyway, after O had been escorted off the plane, the Hulk-aka-Boyfriend Man-turned-back-to-Bruce-Banner strolled back up the aisle, smiling like the superhero he believed he was, and announced with a voice of superiority, "anybody else bothering you? I'll take care of him!" he then punched the air almost too happily at the thought of having rid O. 

a couple chuckles filtered through the passengers. after a moment or two, the captain's voice came over the com apologizing for the delay and gave us an approximate landing time. people sighed, resumed back to their chatter and settled into their seats, trying their best to get comfortable for the two hour flight.

as I stowed my iPod away, I commented to J, "..well, that was interesting." 

he chuckled and agreed, and then inquired whether or not I was headed home. turns out, he'd gotten delayed and had been switched to this flight like me. he told me about visiting Indiana University as an alumni and guest speaker and I told him about visiting the bro's school and my midterms (yes, everybody had to know about midterms.) he mused about how homeschoolers could possibly have midterms. and we joked about how he might've still made it big if he had stayed in his band and not gone to work in the fashion industry. (I later found out he worked at Bonobos. how cool is that?) he was quite a gentleman, if I'd ever met one and we ended up making small talk for a good chunk of the flight. for whatever reason, we talked almost like if we'd known each other for ages and I hands-down promise that was the best conversation I've ever had with a stranger on an airplane before. 

I mused at God's sense of humor that night as I shivered under a pile of blankets. I still smile thinking about how He specializes in the good kind of surprises and knows exactly what I need at just the right time, how He delights in humor, how He knows me down to every single detail and all my quirky bits. I mean the fact that He threw me the whole O fiasco + gentlemanly neighbor in response to my peeve about anti-climactic airplane endings? I'm speechless. and He does all these things to remind me with a still, small voice that He knows me inside out and that no matter what, I'm in good hands. 

what more can I ask for?

p.s.-Nov. playlist will be out Fri. so stay tuned. xo