Honestly

hello from the other side of the globe! it's been quite a trying week but I'm still alive! running on little sleep and an aching belly but stress level? still zero. (50 brownie pts to you if you know where that's from). honestly, this week hasn't been the best. perhaps, it's like how my friend suggested that everybody was coming down from the "high" and excitement of the trip and kind of coming back into the "real world". not exactly a "rude awakening" but to say that reality slapping you in the face is a pleasant experience would be an outright lie...

perhaps the week wasn't too bad and I have been just blowing it up in my mind to be something it's really not but in my eyes, I have failed in so many ways I can't even begin to count. as a teacher, I feel like I haven't been adequately giving my kids what I should be. the nights have become like survival more than anything else. sometime during the week, I caught myself thinking, "dear God, just help me get this over with." what a prayer, eh? ironically, I hadn't shoved myself into a flying steel contraption for twenty fours only to have fun, so then what was I doing here? how could I be complaining about teaching the kids when that was the sole reason I had come for?

funny how one can lose focus so fast and easily. you really sober up once you realize how far you've come only to end up on the wrong side. but life spins on and you quickly learn that if you want to stand on the right side, you better keep your knees black and blue.

the truth is I can't feed the kids anything because I am starving myself. I have felt inadequately fed for days and the sad part is there nobody to blame but me. I guess I could point a finger, but three only point straight back at the guilty. how do you teach anybody anything when you are just learning yourself...

I suppose usually I would have come to a solution in my conclusion but in all honesty, I have not a clue. I can only say that I am continuing to learn in this dainty little journey we call life and by God's grace, where there's a will, there'll be a way.