I'm not fond of goodbyes. never have been, but then again, I'm not sure anybody really is. they say it takes time, but honestly, even after the allotted time has passed, you can't help but turn and toss over it all again. perhaps you see it from a different perspective now, but deep down a dull ache still lingers. even though in a few months, I will have made it by one year since those days came to an end, I still miss it.
I miss waking up every morning and walking out to living room to see the sun streaming in from the windows. I miss the little toenails clicking across the hardwood floor. I miss the low hum of the garage door opening and closing. I miss the closet, where the walls kept buried secrets, listened to the dreams of a girl and witnessed the many tears and untold fears. I miss the smell of freshly cut grass. I miss the way the driveway glowed and reflected off from the streetlight after a torrential downpour. I miss carpooling with my favorite people. I miss the old Volkswagen with the glitchy windows and cushions coated with dog fur that smelled strongly of smoke and gasoline. I miss the sound of squeaky sneakers in the gym. I miss hearing the local high school speakers blaring inaudibly over a football game. I miss taking out the old chum of furry bliss for walks and watching her streak across the yard, wondering what mishaps she would get into. I miss playing bare footed on scorching grass, coordinating high-fives, water cooler tanks, and scattered Styrofoam cups. I miss knowing that everybody was just a fifteen to twenty minute drive away. I miss those faded and cracked rocking chairs sitting in the nursery. I miss the quaint yellow brick house that I had hated at first but come to love so much. I miss the hum-drum of the congregation whenever service let out and people hurrying to get their lunches in the packed kitchen. I miss the multiple rows of ugly green chairs and even the old carpet. I miss the sound of somebody playing on the broken piano with the chipped and worn out keys. I miss the lumpy cushions and hard couch with the unattractive floral patterns. I miss making fun of the verses taped inside the bathroom stalls. I miss the atrocities and hilarity that ensued whenever potlucks, crazy dancing, naughty children, green shells and bananas were put together. I miss hearing the few unlucky members of the congregation bravely hold out the last notes of the doxology too long and completely off-key. I miss the feeling of butterflies and nervousness brewing in the stomach pre-auditions, debate tournaments, and performances. I miss sitting stiffly in orchestra rehearsals and listening to the conductor count out beats in "jugga, jugga, jugga, jugga, jum's" and trying for the life of me to keep up and find my place among the music notes that swam together. I miss sitting on the cold piano bench, playing the same line over and over again for the sopranos. I miss canoeing out to the other side of the lake and splashing anybody within a one feet radius and then waking up the next morning with sore arms, but smiling because it was worth every bit. I miss the dear choir director, with her adorable chuckle and her driving skills that could induce heart attacks. I miss the lonely lamp post casting a yellowish glow over the tiny parking lot and the sound of scampering feet and bouncing basketball on the cement. I miss my fur ball casting nervous glances behind her back and sneaking into my room when Pops wasn't looking. I miss the weekend trips spent around toasty fire pits, noisy car rides, bathroom runs, monotonous trails and stuffy tents. I miss the inside jokes, exchanging knowing smiles and looks, and the silent laughter that only we could hear.
God knows how many things I miss, because these only scratch the surface. there are some days I wish I could rewind and just go back to relive a moment one more time. I guess today has just been one of those days.
there were things we always talked about doing, like walking the dam one last time and going to a drive-in theater... things we spoke about but never really got around or found the time to do. as much as I hate to say it, the curtains for that time and point in my life have already closed and if given the choice, I definitely would not have liked or preferred it that way. but one thing is for sure, it made me realize how to appreciate everything because before you know it, it's gone and chances are you won't get it back. I don't believe I will ever forget those three years I spent there, nor the people I met. I have no doubt that God put me there to meet people who would help me grow on different aspects and these people have indeed shaped me more than they will ever know, and for that I am truly blessed. I feel like I inadequately expressed how much I truly appreciated and treasured every person I've had the pleasure of meeting and knowing in that beautiful town. I've always been inept when it comes to verbalizing and expressing sincere gratitude to people, especially close friends. sometimes it's like there is an unsaid appreciation that you guys share, but it's not always quite acknowledged, you know? however, despite being horribly awkward with words, I've never felt so compelled to say this. so from the shy girl who never knew how to properly express her thanks, this is to the little but endearing town of Columbia and the amazing people I've met there:
thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've ever seen me through and helping me grow as a better person and sister in Christ. you will always be home to me.
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