well, goodbye sophomore year

Hey.

I know.

I keep disappearing off this space. Not because I mean to, but you know, life.

Admittedly, I've been beating around the bush with this post. I have a million things I want to say but I can't figure out where or how to start, so I kind of just don't. Let's just say a variation of this post began during finals week but I was unable to sit down and just flesh out anything coherent. I mean, c'mon, it was finals week. Who even has the time?

How the semester wrapped up only a mere month ago is beyond me because all that seems so far away now. The rest of May after exams was bursting at the seams with things to do and places to be. Some highlights of these past three weeks have included road-tripping down to MD with a handful of dear friends (more on that in a bit), helping out with a church event over Memorial Day weekend (and reconnecting with some familiar faces), having the immense privilege of shooting my first wedding as a second photographer, eating my way around Times Square with friends through wind and rain, moving out of the house (MOM AND DAD HAVE AN EMPTY NEST, SAY WHA?) and into my new apartment, and beginning my work at a lab for the summer. Sprinkled in between here and there has been a gamut of emotions that have come with running on little sleep and being constantly away from home. Despite the awkward tan lines, food baby, and sleep debt accumulation I've managed to rack up in the process, I wouldn't trade any of it. God has been so good to me.

So onto the deets of what has actually been going on in my life. After tucking away all papers and exams and textbooks for good, a small motley yet endearing band of us pooled together whatever camping gear we owned and packed up the cars for a little post finals getaway. The forecast predicted a 60% chance of rain so we crossed our fingers with bated breath and hoped somehow that the sunshine would prevail. True to our prayers, we received three days of hot sand and salty breeze blowing and settling into every crevice possible. We slathered on the sunscreen and had the time of our lives.

Aside from the continuous onslaught of sticky sand and the swarm of mosquitos at dusk, beach camping is as about breathless as it sounds. Drifting off slowly into serene slumber and listening to the dull roar of the ocean blending in between snatches of quiet conversation rising around a toasty fire is a feeling that leaves me craving for more.

On one of the nights, after dinner had been served and the dirty dishes had been washed and put away, I found myself lying on a sandy mat, surrounded by a few friends, mesmerized and engulfed by the vast night canvas that hung above me--its every square inch covered with tiny glowing lights that made up our constellations. Every time I looked up, I couldn't help but marvel at the Creator who had hand-picked and crafted every particle and placed each in its own and proper place. I know for a fact that my one regret in life will be that I will never be able to experience and capture all the beauty that exists on this planet, but what phenomena I can see, I will contently spend the rest of my life staring in awe and treasuring.

I think most people don't make the connection between leisure and camping because who in their sound mind would want to trade in the comfort of their air-conditioned homes and fully functioning ceramic toilets for sleepless nights on a bedrock (or lumpy sand) and a hole in the ground, sticky from sweat and reeking from various body odors? I guess that would be a turnoff for most, but I love it. (Although, I guess I could make do without the body odor.) There's something about putting a group of people out to feed and fend for each other that pulls us all just a little bit closer together. Granted we all had our 4G networks and were located a half hour's drive out from civilization, but having everyone around a picnic table communing is something I miss terribly. Even if "communing" consisted of simple things such as feeding fruit to hungry mouths, pressing together hamburger patties with our bare hands, poking the hot coals to stoke an ever-dying fire, washing dishes by the light of a lamp, documenting each moment with a monopod and dead raccoon, or just carrying the conversation, we depended on each other in a natural way. I miss that.

SIDE NOTE: HERE'S a little video that my insanely talented friend, J, put together from our little getaway. I've lost track of how many times I've watched it. I love it. And of course, the people in it. (I'd embed the video, but it's on a private setting and J was gracious enough to let me link it. WATCH IT!)

Looking back, I find this whole trip funny because at the beginning of the semester I would've never imagined myself camping on a beach with these very same people that I hold so dear to my heart now. Not that I had anything against them but I have to be honest and say I barely knew them. In fact, I barely knew anyone. My driven mentality of keeping college to strictly school was suffocating me in a way I hadn't realized up until that point. Camping, in some sense, was the culmination of what God had been trying to teach me all along this entire semester. That community is essential, vital, if you want to grow as a person be it emotionally, mentally and even spiritually.

Sometime mid-March, I received a text from a friend who reached out to me because she had resonated with something I'd mentioned on the blog. I had talked to her on a few occasions but other than knowing her name and the occasional hello, we were essentially strangers. Nevertheless, we arranged to grab a meal together at the dining hall one night and as I sat across from her, listening to her recount her life experiences and what God had been teaching her lately, I couldn't help think that I had found a kindred spirit in her. We were going through similar circumstances (only, of course she was handling hers with much more grace than I was), and through some twisted yet beautiful way, we bonded over it and the things that God had been teaching us both. C.S. Lewis' quote comes to mind immediately, "Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought no one but myself..."

Shortly after, God began to open doors and break down the barriers I had unknowingly built for myself. My little bubble with her began to expand. She brought up the idea of beach camping one day, something that we'd both always wanted to do but had never gotten a chance to accomplish. Two short months of planning were made amid the flurry of school. As the few who had not grown up in the same church as everybody else in fellowship had, we fretted about who to invite and how everything would go down. She booked the sites a few weeks in advance, the boys planned out our meals and shopped for everything we needed, I fished out every single camping equipment we owned (which was not much). I remember sitting in her garage the night before we were to leave taking inventory of our equipment--the both of us tired beyond exhaustion and me silently praying that it would all be worth it. I needn't have thought that. In retrospect, I believe that moment we ran, laughing and stumbling our way down the hard lumpy sand to the shoreline and felt the sand squishing beneath our toes and the icy waves lapping at our feet, neither of us could deny how surreal it all was.

It would be terribly rude of me to not mention everyone else who has played such a tremendous role in my life the past school year. I could go on about various individuals--people who have not stopped exemplifying the Father's love in my life. People who have opened up their homes and couches to me for the past two years, cooked for me when I got my wisdom tooth pulled during finals week, swiped numerous meals for me at the dining hall, woke up early enough to run a mile or two with me, laughed with me and at me (totally unacceptable), tolerated and forgiven all the insensitive crap I've said when I was stressed, prayed with me and for me, patiently listened to me 'til the wee hours of morning, called and texted to let me know I was in their thoughts and prayers, taken time out of their busy schedule to listen to me rage about how stupid boys can be, given me advice that I treasure so dearly, pointed me back to Christ when I was in the wrong, encouraged me with their words and actions, studied at the library with me for hours on end, treated me to coffee or lunch, given me rides to and from various places... I could go on. I could list names, but I won't. I believe you all know very well who you are and if you don't, God knows you all mean the world to me. Honestly. Somehow, you all took my most difficult semester and turned it into the most memorable one yet. Reminded of Paul when he wrote to the Philippi church, "I thank my God every time I remember you." Yes, I do.

Excited is a clear understatement about how I feel about what's ahead. Thanks for the ride, sophomore year. Onward.